The Love that Never Was

June 25:

When I opened the door to my small, brown-stoned New York apartment, I wished that I could go back. I wanted to run all the way across town and say that I was sorry about leaving. I wanted to tell Liam that I loved him and no matter the distance between us, he would always be mine. I settle on my old green couch, trying to recount the day’s events. I remembered how he ran his fingers through his dark brown curly hair. I have known him for so long that I know whenever he does that he is pensive. “Audrey, it’s a great experience for you to move to Hong Kong and be a journalist. But what about us? I don’t know how we will be able to communicate,” Liam explained in a somber voice. I tried to sound cheerful, “well it is the 21st century, there will be a lot of ways for us to communicate.” Even with my cheerful demeanor, I could see that something was wrong with Liam, I just wasn’t sure what. Maybe now I should go to him and tell him that I actually don’t want to go to Hong Kong, that I want to stay with him. He has a successful future ahead of him. Early this summer he was offered the opportunity to be an intern at a photographer’s studio. “No Audrey,” I said aloud. You supported him in his creative endeavors, now it’s time for him to support you, no matter how far away you may seem.” I stood up and moved over to my bedroom window. From the window, I glanced at the setting sun and I know that soon the moon will emerge and all of the issues from the day will be gone. Why didn’t I feel optimistic? I knew that Liam and I could get through this, and we can always visit each other. As the sun left the sky I thought not only of Liam, but of all the endless possibilities awaiting me in Hong Kong.


October 7:

Everything in Hong Kong has been blissfully unpredictable. I have been here for around four months, but have been working and exploring most of my days. As a journalist, I work at a magazine firm that lets me travel to different parts of Asia and write about my experiences. My experiences have been indescribable, and I am so lucky to be a part of them however, I wish that I could experience them with someone… someone like Liam. I always thought of traveling by myself as therapeutic, and the chance to do what I want, but after traveling to secluded beaches and spiritual temples, It would be wonderful to talk to someone about what I feel and see when I am at these places.

Where Liam is concerned, we did skype on a weekly basis during my first few weeks in Hong Kong, but then the communication dissipated. Now we don’t skype or use any kind of communication to see how the other is doing. I want to know what his life is like right now. I want to desperately see him, to wrap my arms around him and never let go, I want to suffocate him in the love that I have for him, and even then I don’t think he could fathom how much I admire and adore him. I hope that he knows that whenever I think of him, I send him light and love and go on with my day’s activities, since I think that’s all I can ever do from this point on.

December 10:

“Audrey, I’ve missed you!” My older sister Nora yelled when I entered her studio apartment. I was able to have a few weeks off of work since I am soon going on a new project that studies gender roles of indigenous tribes in Thailand in February and I will be working everyday for three months. I am beyond excited as my research may be featured in a magazine. “My globe trotting sister.” Nora said as she studied me. “I am so proud of you.” My sister gave me an all encompassing smothering hug. “What do you want to do today?” “I think I’m going to go out for a bit. Maybe reconnect with New York City.” I responded. “Okay, just don’t catch a cold.” Gosh, she sounds just like our mother. As I walked out into the street, I spotted Liam holding hands with a short, attractive, brunette. So much for having an unconditional love for him.

2 thoughts on “The Love that Never Was

  1. I really like how you described her love for him. The ending was heartbreaking. I felt so bad for her! I wish there was more about what had happened those few months, but I know the words were limited. I hope that you maybe write an extension to this story, or write something from his point of view.


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